The Letter: a short story

The Letter

It’s time to let go, to move from this body that has betrayed me, I am so tired, physically, mentally, emotionally, exhausted.   I’ve held on so I could have more time with my Grandchildren.  Eric my eldest; he’ll be so upset when I leave.  My grand daughters Clorisse we never see enough of her, my beautiful Karrie, she holds my heart in her precious little hands.  The babies Amanda and Michael, I haven’t had near enough time with these precious ones, I know that I’ve got a new one on the way, she will be Michelle, and we will never get the chance to meet in the flesh.  They are my reasons for holding on so long.

Now it’s time to move onward; the Angels are tapping on my shoulders, whispering in my ears.  Fifteen years ago I lost my eyesight to diabetes, and now my body has given out.  I am being allowed to revisit all those special moments, this is my life, and as I view it, I can feel the pain leaving my body, I can feel my strength moving back into my soul.  I can see the faces of those I love so dearly, faces that I haven’t been able to look upon for fifteen years, and my grandbabies, they are so beautiful.  This is my only regret, having to leave them at such tender ages, I regret the time we won’t have together, I guess none of us can escape this earth without some kind of regret.

Who’s that coming towards me, my Grandmother Susie, I can feel her love embracing me, there is someone else with her, it’s my son Mickey.  As he moves out of the bright light, I can see his face, there is no pain or anger in his eyes, he looks at peace.  This is the look I’ve always wanted to see on his face; one he rarely had when he was earthbound.  I am feeling such love, so much peace; I can hardly take my eyes off his face.

I hear my daughter she’s calling out for me to breathe, there are tears in her eyes.  She is holding my face in her hands looking into my blank eyes; she notices the peace I am feeling. I am no longer feeling any pain, she slowly reaches up and closes my eyes then steps back and watches, the color drains from my body, I go limp, she backs out of the room every so slowly, not taking her eyes off my face.  “Damn her, she knew, she planned this, that’s why she made me promise, she made me promise not to do CPR.”  With that her hands slowly come up to cover her face as she cries out in grief.

I’m not quite ready to leave yet, and I tell the angels that I want to stay a while longer, just to watch, to help them through their grief.  I reach out to my daughter and I touch her shoulder, she stops her crying and she turns, she looks directly at me, and she shivers.  “Mom? Is that you?” she asks.  I always knew she had a gift, she’d displayed it many times, my grand daughters also have the gift, I need to be careful, she felt my touch or should I say my spirit.

This is why I dictated The Letter for the family; so everyone would understand, I am now at peace.  I wanted everyone one to focus on those special moments we had together, to remember me as the free and independent spirit I was before this disease crippled my body.  Remember me with love and laughter, with a smile and a tear, but remember me in happiness, not as what I had become at the end.

There is a fluttering of wings all around me, they are calling to me, and their voices are the sounds of trumpets, pulling at my spirit, calling me into the light.  They want me to leave my earthbound family; they want me to follow them into the garden.  As I approach the gates I experience a feeling, like none I’ve ever felt before.  I move towards the sounds of harps beckoning me every forward I see faces, faces of those who have gone before me.  My family is all here to welcome me into my new realm, to encourage me to search my memory to a time long ago; reminding me I’ve lived here before.

 I search my memories of my life in the garden of clouds before I was chosen to become an earthbound spirit, to live as a human and learn from my time there, to share that experience with those who haven't been chosen to make this trip.  I hear them, yet their mouths do not move, I understand each as they communicate with me.

We are exchanging information telepathically, of sights, sounds and tastes that I’ve experienced while on the earth.  They are given the opportunity to walk in my memories.  It is here where I must answer the questions about the choices I made while I was in my human form.  The biggest question being asked of me was why I chose to make my family not do CPR on me, not to be brought back to my earthly body.  I explained that my organs, my kidneys, liver, heart and lungs were all failing.  If I had been brought back to my body, I would have been forced to be on machines to sustain my earthly existence.  This in my opinion is not living as a viable human.   My explanation was accepted, I had not chosen to end my life, but had chosen not to exist in a vegetative state.

I am allowed to make my choice; I want to return to earth, not as a human, but as a guardian spirit to my family who are still earthbound.  I feel the need to stay and help my grand children, to watch over them, to guide them, to experience their lives.  My request is granted, and I am allowed to participate in my family’s lives, for as long as I feel the need.

When I returned to earth, I viewed my family as they gathered for my memorial service.  I watch my daughter read The Letter to my loved ones.  I see their faces; they understand the message I am sending from my heart.  I have shared a special memory to remind them how special they each were to me, and they accepted my gift.  They gather together to share their love of each other, and share their memories; I am pleased to see that they are remembering me, as I wanted them to, with love and laughter taking over the grief.

I settle into my new role, being unseen yet active in their lives.   My daughter takes my

Grandchildren out onto the deck as they gaze up into the night sky, she tells them that

Grandma now lives with God, but we can still talk with her when we need to.  She

 told them to pick out a special star and that star would be used to contact Grandma when

they needed or wanted to talk to me.  I felt so special; they picked out the North Star

because is shines the brightest and they could always find it.  Through the years I

watched as they came out onto the deck and talked to the North Star, about the troubles

they had in school, when the bullies picked on them.  The boyfriends and girlfriends they

believed they were in love with, the ones who broke their hearts.  They shared there

dreams and their goals, they talked to me often, not only when they were sad, they

shared their lives with me.

The Letter still gets taken out occasionally and is read at family gatherings, and we all

 can smile as the words are read out loud once more.